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Tits and gas

untitledLooks like last news of any note on that dynamic, impassioned crusade to “Dump George Will” was filed July 3. By my calendar, that was two weeks ago, and the Media Matters story was a couple of weeks after St. Louis Dispatch became the only newspaper of note to actually remove Will’s column. The conservative writer had pure honky-male gall to question whether there really IS a “rape epidemic” on American college campuses – and all hell broke loose.

The MM story detailed concerted ad campaign to convince five major – and largely liberal – papers to purge the scoundrel caught red-handed in the act of telling the truth. And in those 14 days since – nada. Nobody bit. Not one of them. And this from urban journals the anti-Will crusade obviously felt would be politically agreeable to doing the right, though somewhat oppressive, thing.

Of course, if this expensive effort to gut yet another enemy of the people should fail – fear of our cultural petty tyrants will erode a bit more. Then they can go back to their important work of fretting how often they’re cut dead by snooty bouncers at pretentious nightclubs. Y’know – the important stuff. This obsessive chillin’-as-reason-to-live actually has political dimension, so we’re told. Seems fat women are most-frequent rope-line rejects, beefing up their fatty-fat-fat complexes. We should be unfurling rather wide red carpets at their chubby feet, so they might nibble at the plump, bathed-in-garlic-butter oyster that is their world. Or would be, if sexist, white, straight MEN weren’t Lap-Banding their lives with whale jokes and Claim Jumper Cream Pies.

(This is sub-suffer of sexism – sizeism. The clumsy term covers just what you think it does, but just barely, I bet. We shouldn’t fling hate speech – or maybe weight speech? – at those tubs trundling among us. Since women seem to be most vulnerable to fat ass, sizeism is yet another lurid discriminatory hurdle to be vaulted. …Or just sat on and squashed.)

So many crusades. So little give-a-fuck.

As long as carpeting has popped up, there’s a huge piecework rug of guilt projection killing grass on the Washington Mall, right now. Just as the AIDS quilt did 30 years ago, pointlessly raising our consciousness with tinge of blame, the sisterhood has decided to dredge up this musty brainstorm because… Well, maybe because their tiny, math-challenged minds can’t come up with anything else. We can hope that new category of ravishment – skanky sex while drunk – will rate only iron-on patches.

…This rape quilt is designed to “raise awareness” about yet another horrible thing everybody already knows about. It’s more of that empty calorie activism that females in particular find so irresistible. As Canadian blogger Kate McMillan says, “If women ran the world, we’d still be living in caves—but with really, really fancy curtains.”… Now they’ve been reduced to retrofitting a Reagan-era symbol for the 21st century. This rape quilt is the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles of protests. [Kathy Shaidel, Takimag]

 Idea that women are kept barefoot and pregnant, rattling pans in kitchens of some tattoo’d Truckdriver of the Id is hilarious fairy tale in an America where mainstream media is so in the bag with “womens rights”, “equality” and “feminism”, its practically vowed never again to shave its armpits or let a man get the door. Western women languish under lash of male oppression the way Mark Zuckerberg sweats his unemployment checks. This is still a world that witnesses women stoned for being victims of rape, after all. Endless caterwauling of spoiled, mostly white women is just as Will would have it: victim-privilege as welfare fraud.

Let’s admit it: Women are less rational than men. A guy dumps them, or gives them velvet-rope stink-eye, or wolf-whistles, or doesn’t wolf-whistle – and in the bat of a Maybelline eyelash, ALL men are slave-masters dragging them to a dark barn. Explanation of and release from their own frustrations and deficiencies comes with balm of illusory suffering, undeserved outrage.

But that, combined with political heft of feminism in today’s West, means we’re burdened with collective PMS. We’re addled by appeals to phony sense of morality and so easily hijacked and misled biy our hostile elites. What passes for social atrocity today is racism in professional wrestling (what ISN’T infected by this arbitrarily defined, has-been horror), occasional stupid statements by conservatives (without them, Salon and Alternet would be out of business), and puffing up rare violence by the fringe Right into hostile takeover by suicidal hayseeds.  Know what? There just isn’t enough genuine barbarity committed by the Right, so we must pretend there is. Lefty press becomes exaggeration aggregator of insignificant incident that hopefully will add up to lynching fever and dogpatch Nuremberg Laws in minds of a baffled, over-indoctrinated public. Eric Holder, THE most incompetent asshole ever to despoil office of Attorney General, has revived the post-Oklahoma City domestic terror task force – to sip a lot of coffee and buy whores on taxpayers’ dime. Newsweek remanufactures extemist Muslim violence at the Boston Marathon last year into bad-honky depredation.

Once we’re convinced there’s a Klansman under every bed (and he’s gotta Boehner!), oppressive shit like “hate crime” laws can expand to include speech. Problem is, to accomplish this, reality must be remanufactured in favor of wildly eccentric constructed circumstance.

Far from being men’s “objectified” sperm banks, modern Western women see themselves exalted beyond any reasonable appraisal of their mostly average gifts. Name a movie in which a woman seeking to do a man’s job – calf roping to broadsword combat – doesn’t best the best XY can offer. Find a news story that isn’t tilted to posture acceptable to Kate Millett, circa 1969.

Good Lord! Now Marvel has reconstructed comic-book superhero and Aryan everybutch, Thor, into estrogen-enriched ass-kicker. Are we to be spared nothing?

Anything that breaks up our rigid ideas of just what men and women are supposed to be is a good thing. I’m just not entirely sure that a female THOR does anything to truly challenge the status quo around gender… I doubt Thor will become female in the films but if they do ever cast a woman, it sounds as if she will be strong and powerful and all the things we associate with men. Another bloody “strong female lead”. That is not to say that women are not, cannot and should not be those things – but when we have a “feminised” male superhero celebrated for his traditionally girly qualities, we might be a little further along the path of true equality. Bring on Thorita, I say.

Would be kinda nice if that breakup of rigid ideas was done with original, even inspired ideas instead of stupid reverse-engineering. Assuming there are any “rigid ideas” lying about today, why would we assume, automatically, they need breaking up? What about ideas that men shouldn’t assault women? Despite all braying by the Left that it birthed this brilliance 10 or 15 years ago, no Western civilization ever, EVER prized rape. But what the fuck? Why not challenge it, the way poet Alan Ginsburg’s NAMBLA attempts to legitimize child molestation? Could be an idea whose time has come!

Regardless what we’re told, people aren’t afraid of change as much as their averse to stupidity. Change is not necessarily a good thing. It’s the essence of stupidity not to realize that. Besides, when did comics need to be social documents? Now we have Archie – Archie of Riverdale, for Christ sake – dying to save a gay. No… DYING. Bagging a homophobe’s bullet. The beloved of Veronica and Betty is stiffed out right along with his inane cross-hatch carrot-top.

This is a subhead to the grisly Guadian dispatch: “But she will be strong and fundamentally masculine like before…” This is exactly what Western women strive for today. No more of that estrogen and weaker upper-body strength. It’s nothing less than justice and (slightly superior) equality vitrified and put on an iridescent, somewhat kitschy pedestal. Male and female will emulsify into each other, mush together in harmony. OK, those efforts to end war, institute classless society, and bring democracy to every jerkwater grass hut didn’t quite hit their marks. But in this one, grand throw, creaky dreams of reversing millions of years of mammalian evolution in a single generation will finally be successful. Will alone can take the ‘real’ out of ‘reality’.

Where’s our bandwagon? What’s that? OK… Where can we get NEW tires?… The Big Push is on!