So I say another world war is inevitable. If it happens, I’m a prophet. If it doesn’t, I’m a crank. In no other instance do I so hope I’m a crank.
I don’t take myself seriously. I try not to.
But some people are Very Serious. We know that because they never tire of telling us how serious they are.
These are the people who imagine they are trendsetters. They are vanguards of change. They are revolutionary thinkers here on earth to pull us out of the box we’re thinking inside, out of our intellectual ghettos where we metaphorically spit on the sidewalk, jack up old people and devolve to gutter rats of our nature.
They’re here to save us from ourselves, since we don’t have brains, are incapable of original thought, and barely can wipe ourselves after crapping in the weeds.
Take the now-withered “controversy” over the “attachment baby” story with the not-so-baby attached to mommy’s mammary on the cover of Time last week. Remember? Everybody went ape-shit because a little boy old enough to milk a cow if he’d been around a century ago is hanging onto his mother’s nipple like it was the last tit he’d ever suck. For 15 minutes, the shit hit the fan, or so the media told us.
Here’s how Time editor Richard Stengel defends the deliberately provocative (in 1962) photo:
“My response,” Stengel said, “is thousands and thousands – if not millions – of people will pay attention to a story when they wouldn’t have even known about it (otherwise)… Stengel, who says his wife breast-fed their children well after they turned 1, said the cover of a natural parenting act is far less worrisome to him than the images of violence Americans ignore every day on television and in video games. “It’s really comical,” he said, “that some think this stretches the boundaries of taste.”
While avoiding the phrase “milking the publicity for all it’s worth”, we surmise what Stengel means isn’t really that the reaction is comical. Certainly the tit isn’t comical. It’s well-shaped and perky; I envy the kid, a little. What Stengel is really saying is that we’re comical. This was a set-up to get us all confabulated, we fell for it, and we’re hilarious doing so.
We’re comical. We Americans.
And why the hell wouldn’t junior-league thunderbolts like Stengel believe that? Look at what Americans believe… and don’t:
- 18 percent of Americans believe the earth revolves around the sun. Galileo was Inquisited for nothing. And still they breathe!
- Only 39 percent believe in evolution. Adam, meet your rib. You may kiss the bride.
- Goodbye, Columbus: Almost 10 percent believe… yes… the earth is flat.
- 21 percent believe in witches. In a serial fantasy of mine, my favorite girlfriend at any given time is abducted by a coven of voracious lesbian witches, stripped naked, and tormented wetly by lips and tongues on a hideous red altar until she CUMS for SATAN! Whew! I could use a sugar-tit, myself, right now.
- Even though we’ve been occupying the country for almost a decade (and will go on doing so forever, despite the “drawdown”), 63 percent of young Americans can’t find Iraq on a map.
C’mon. Anyone capable themselves of grasping the inhale-exhale-inhale formula can form broadly generalized conception of a big-sky, purple plain Bonehead America.
Trouble is, a lot of what our betters believe also turns out to be vast, heaping tubs of shit. When I was young, brilliant professors writing brilliant books for brilliant readers throught Marxism was “inevitable”. It was scientific – ultimate evolution of social dynamic.
And less than 15 years later, Marxism crapped out.
There was a time when our best educational geniuses decided children could be taught to read more quickly if they were taught the way deaf kids learned to read. Phonetics was thrown out the window and several generations of all-but illiterate Americans emerged from our public schools before these visionaries finally fuckin’ died out or retired. We still believe any problem can be solved with enough expenditure of public funds or efforts of a body-painted, passionate counterculture, even though it’s now decades after failure of the War on Poverty, the War on Drugs, and even the hippie War on War.
Good ideas tend to flow bottom to top, not the other way around. A guy on a jerkwater farm, sitting on a toilet, realized if he sliced the side of a washer and bent the two ends slightly, the pressure would hold bolt to nut much tighter. The lock-washer was born. Really. The guy was on the pottie. Think of how many lock washers are in an airplane next time you’re in flight; think of that inventor ruminating and laying cable.
Bad ideas run out of gas regardless who thinks them up, but when they flow downward, from our detached elites, they tend to overstay their shelf-life because they’re enforced by new, secular morality. Religion is slowly eroding as social enforcer; we just can’t buy the big, careless Creator making it all happen, anymore. However, at least His commandments made sense, especially the one about treating others as we want to be treated. There’s no better way to make civic interactions tolerable.
That’s just one good idea superceded by this new ass-backwards book of common law and rules of order. Politeness is disposable. Today, the most important rules downplay those that used to hold us together. Or, rather, not downplay them as much as slit their throats and fling them down dry wells. For instance: Politeness is merely a facade to mask racist exploitation and oppression. Funny it never seemed that way before.
Even funnier: It doesn’t really seem that way now.
What’s important today, to live a righteous if not logical life, is to eschew racism. Nevertheless, we’re doomed to be forever mired in the sticky stuff if we’re white, regardless what we do. We must believe there is no difference between sexes – women can do everything men can do, only better. All humans are equal – and any differences or advantages in intellect or ability are because racist institutions and rigged social mechanics favor white people with unfair privilege. There’s other stuff – like animal life being no less valuable than human and that Christians suck – but that’s really the foundation. Honkies, women, privilege. There’s your wrap.
We know all of this is bullshit, but the greatest law, the very cornerstone of our new faith is never to mention that in public. No greater sin can be committed than doubting our contemporary hogwash.
I’ve noted this before, this amazing procession of our new vigilant clergy. Some social flaw is discerned – or, more likely, fabricated – and trumpets blare. The lord’s host sallies forth to slay dragons – and mostly to burn heretics in fires of unemployment.
Every time government and media start talking about the same thing, some creepy agenda is bucketing along with the bandwagon. A moral panic is created by cultural discovery – in astounding ‘eureka’ moment - of a component of human life since we sat in trees and chewed nits off our ass-hairs.
Our causes and infamies pop out in spectral horror. Profiling. Bullying. Discrimination. Child abuse periodically is rediscovered by media seers. Each time, it’s brand-new phenomenon, or one growing statistically as scourge unnoticed beforehand. Here we stupid peasants thought schoolchildren capered in pastel paradise, feeding Disney animals from their palms and playing placid co-ed softball. Something must be done!
Take bullying, for instance. We have stories about poor souls driven to suicide by pint-sized Mr. Sluggos who made their lives living hell. We have “Dr. Phil” confessions from former bullies who were re-educated out of their waywardness by cozy psychologists and, for the recidivists, chemical emasculation. Government local and national pass volumes of laws as impossible to enforce as they are badly thought-out. The issue is co-opted as gay crisis. Four-eyed, picked-on – and straight? Tough breeder luck, punching bag.
Then, the worst nightmare imaginable occurs: The ADL and Southern Poverty Law Center get involved. Bullying? You mean, ‘hate crime’, don’t you, fucker? They’ll travel the country, talking to local police about this. By the time they’re through, this emerging outrage will be added to lists of Terrible Goy Dangers.
This process is designed to allow the government more and more control over our lives. It becomes arbiter of “do-bee/don’t-bee” on grand scale. It doesn’t matter if its bullying, or terrorism, or hate. …Seatbelts or smoking. Someday, the government will regulate our erections, bowel movements and use or overuse of air, as well. And there will be punishments. There always are punishments.
We’re told this will help. And we not only believe what we’re told. We DO it



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